Wednesday, 9 January 2013

What, like it's hard?

I get asked somewhat frequently why I decided on a long distance relationship. Though I get asked this less frequently than I used to, the question now comes with slightly more judgment, like I should have learned my lesson and am just being obstinate. My friend's husband flat out told me on New Year's Eve that he thinks I'm an idiot for staying in this relationship. Thanks. I never realized how hard this was before you pointed it out, friend. I thought this was the easiest thing in the world.

But some days, man...some days he seems right. Some days it's like climbing Everest just to talk to one another and the sheer amount of work and planning that goes into scheduling a conversation is ridiculous. ("Okay, well, I'll get to work early and hope that nothing goes wrong and I'll squeeze my workout into my lunch break and rush home and ignore the errands I have to run until later, and you go to the gym after work and maybe have a cup of coffee so that you're awake when I get home and then we'll chat for 20 minutes until you're so exhausted you're seeing four of me and then you go to bed and I'll go buy groceries and we'll do it all again tomorrow.") It seems like  we're just lunatics for looking at this mounting pile of evidence that the world is fighting to keep us apart and saying, "Huh. Well, that's not so bad, really. We'll get it sorted." So it's super fun to feel like you're struggling to take a step forward and have somebody say, "Well, why do you even try? It's hard, you should give up."

So I've decided that from now on when people ask me why I'm doing this I'm just going to make up reasons. Really, really uncomfortable or ridiculous or otherwise unebelievable reasons.

"Why am I with him? Well, once the doctor called with the test results I didn't feel like it'd be fair to infect anybody else."
"I don't want people to think that I'm shallow and I've left him because of all the scarring from that bear incident."
"The Scientologists told me it was my duty."
"I'm just staying with him until I can destroy the sex tape."
"It's just nice to have somebody that understands what it's like to have a third nipple."
"He's a vampire and controlling my mind."
"I believe semi-permanent celibacy is good for creativity."

I mean, nobody can argue with those reasons. They are perfectly sound reasons to stay with somebody. Bear accidents are tragic and you shouldn't abandon somebody just because they're covered in scars. And look what happened to Kim Kardashian after that sex tape! (Oh, wait...Google tells me she got famous after that. Hmmm.) So please, ask me why I'm in this relationship again. I dare you.


  1. ha ha I love all the excuses. I'll be apart from my partner for six months later on this year so I might borrow one or two of them!

  2. Please do! And I hope your 6 months speeds by.


Play nice!




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